What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 12:59
She loved him until the end.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But it wasn’t much.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Do all you people that took the "jab" feel lied to yet?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What's the gayest thing you have experienced on an only boys sleepover?
Put me off passion for life!!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
What pleasure do guys get by sucking female breasts?
All the time i was locked up.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My life is so biszare .
Why do foolish atheists think their strange delusional theories are facts?
This is soul school!.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why do men suck dick? Me, I can't get enough
She married twice! .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was scared of men, in general
Why are the bands Smashmouth and Nickelback often used as punchlines?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Can you name an example of bad parenting?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
How rough can the ferry passage from Hull to Rotterdam be in the autumn ( at the end of October )?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Stunning 'Solar Curtains' Phenomenon Revealed on The Sun in New Images - ScienceAlert
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
What happens when you need emergency surgery in countries with universal healthcare vs the US?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He knew the spot.
So whats the point in blame.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
I said to her
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He resisted the act ,that day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We all went to grammer schools
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Ive learnt so much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She found it foreign!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But, we were locked up after school.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im still living with it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I could never make a relationship work though!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I don,t even have a pension.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Was to survive, this bastard.
I have no regrets .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We were not on the streets..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I think the readers, may guess!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was 9 years of age.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i do to all so called friends.?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And i lived it daily.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She wouldn,t have been !
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
When she asked me how she looked .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My family never makes their pension either.
I will be 64.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One cannot live in the past .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I write beautiful poetry .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was seconnd youngest,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So, i spoilt her more .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It was going to be , some day.
I waited trembling.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What did i know ?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Would this be the day?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Comes on , in middle age.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She was in good health!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Who then, do I blame.?